I Kissed Mandy Moore (And I Liked It)

The best kiss of my life involved Mandy Moore, a 300 pound security guard and my little sister. This is not your typical love story.

When I was younger I went with my little sister to a pop music concert sponsored by a local radio station. Being the cultured youth that I was, I was excited to have my world reinvented by the live performances of fantastical musical talent:



And Mandy Moore:

Now before you judge me too harshly, remember the demographics of the crowd. It was me, an adolescent boy, and thousands of girls. Charlie had his chocolate factory. I had my concert full of screaming girls… and absolutely no clue how to talk to any of them.

The climactic point of the concert was when actress, song writer, performer and goddess, Mandy Moore took the stage. After finishing the most beautiful set I have ever heard, she announced she would be signing autographs.

To say I was excited would be a gross understatement. My prepubescent scream of joy trumped that of the thousands of girls around me and may have actually been the highest pitched noise that has ever been recorded. (I like to picture the scene from Carl Sagan’s ‘Contact’ where the scientists first pick up the transmission) SETI researchers still refer to this anomaly as the Wow! signal. Immediately, I ditched my sister and ran at full force to the autograph tent. Unfortunately, years of Macaroni and Cheese and Mario made my epic sprint much shorter than I needed it to be at this critical juncture.

Sweating like, well a boy trying to meet Mandy Moore, I got to the tent in time to be the first in line… behind two hundred other people. I stood in line for about an hour and slowly made my way to the front of the line. When I was about 50 people from meeting my future celebrity ex-wife, tragedy struck. Mandy had to leave and they were going to close the line. Panicked, the crowd started booing. The staff started pushing the line ahead in order to quicken the pace. 50 people away, 40 people away, 30, 20, 10. She was in sight. I decided right then that this was the moment I had been born to conquer. I, Danny Dover, was going to talk to Mandy Moore.

I got to the front of the line and used the most creative pick up line I could muster. “Mandy Moore, can I have a hug?”. She looked at me and melted. Her security guard on the other hand, was not impressed by my sudden boldness. He stood up, looked me in the eyes and said, “absolutely not.” I looked at him, a 300 pound elephant of a man, then back at her, a goddess of unfathomable talent and beauty. Instantly she knew what to do. She pushed her security guard away, leaned over the table and kissed me right on the lips. Right. On. The. Lips.

Cheesy movie directors usually illustrate these moments with birds singing and angels playing harps. My moment was more like detonating a hydrogen bomb on my face while simultaneously getting kicked in the nuts.

I don’t actually remember how I reacted because at that moment I blacked out. I like to imagine that I came up with a witty remark, did a standing back flip and flipped off the security guard. In reality, I probably got really red and shuffled away.

It was my first kiss and I am proud to say it was with Mandy Moore.

Bucket List Item: “Kiss a Celebrity”, Check!

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Awesomest. Story. Ever. Seriously.

  • Timo Smeets

    Great story! When is the marriage? :-))))

    • I am hoping soon. For some reason she isn’t returning my phone calls ;-p

  • TimmyWhimmy

    LOL Danny, gotta say, this story made me laugh out loud. Especially the part where you compared your emotions post-kiss to a devastating nuclear weapon and equally devastating physical act of malice XD. Made my day.

  • Did you squeeze her bottom? I would have gone for it – just so see if she was down.

  • This is such a great story!! And who would have thought that the girl who sang Candy would have come out with some pretty lovely music and marry Ryan Adams. She’s kind of awesome.

    • She is all kinds of awesome :-) Best of luck on your own list and let me know if I can help in anyway. Cheers!

  • HAHA, a slight element of jealous followed by….DAMN YOU, to write my own bucket list.

    • Awesome, I hope you do. Any items on your list that you think are especially cool?

  • Bartending Joe

    This is literally one of the most awesome posts I have ever read

  • Tim Lee

    I am sorry to break it to you, but your “future celebrity ex-wife” is now married. Good work though when you had a chance.

  • Eric Israel

    That was incredible :-) Love your writing style!

  • Samantha Jones

    :-) I love it!

  • Erika Bends

    Lol, plus 5 points for including the LFO song.

  • Jessie

    lol, love it!

  • Tom Strites

    Do you think she would mind if I added that to my bucket list?

  • Wow, that was crazier than I expected!

  • Evangeline Gold

    HAHA, a slight bit of jealous but a big bit of laugh! :-)

  • GOLD!

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