Let me start off by saying I was really weird in high school. (still am). Whereas some people have high school highlights that involve touchdowns or proms, my highlights involve elaborate shows and presentations. I led assemblies with flying students in the gymnasium and club style dances in the locker filled hallways. I started a public drive-in theater (complete with radio transmitter) and organized a life-sized game of rock-paper-scissors. Math wasn’t my thing, but big hairy, smile inducing logistics were.
Enter my friend Danrick. He has the charisma of Charlie Sheen, the lovability of Big Bird and the weird presence of Andy Dick. He is perhaps the kindest person I have ever met and is uncannily funny. It is impossible to spend more than an hour with him without smiling. He has the universal full body humor that you normally only see with famous actors like Bill Murray and (early) Jim Carrey.
Now that I have painted a lovable picture of Danrick, I can tell you about how I broke his face.
As I often did, I was walking aimlessly around my high school. (I found out early on that if you walked around holding a rolled up poster, the administration would just assume you were doing something productive.) I was on the second floor and the hallways were empty. This particular hallway shot up the center of the building so it was abnormally long. I was at one end and by happenstance I saw that my friend, Danrick, was at the other end. We both made eye content and froze. Neither of us were the type of person who would enter such a scene without taking advantage of it.
Danrick sprung into his favorite Mortal Combat/Dragon Ball Z pose and I copied. One of us blinked and we started running at each other full speed toward the center of the hallway.
Let me stop here. At this point it is mandatory that you start listening to the following song/youtube video before finishing this post. Mandatory!
While that song was probably not actually playing, both Danrick and I could certainly hear it. We got in formation and started an impromptu version of Mortal Kombat in the high school hallway. We literally bounced off of walls and did slow motion climatic hits. At one point we were doing full speed punches and kicks were we were missing each other by luck fueled centimeters. Unfortunately for Danrick’s medical bills, our luck ran out.
In the midst of a full-powered punch (the type where you punch not with just your fist but with your entire arm), Danrick unexpectedly moved his face into the direction of my bullet-man-fist. Like a wrecking ball crushing a doll house, I unwittingly unleashed a nightmare of a punch directly onto the side of Danrick’s timid nose.
Instantly we stopped. He looked at me calmly and asked me if his nose was broken. I looked at his face. His eyes and chin were pointing my direction but his nose was pointing toward the wall. “Yikes man, I am really sorry! Don’t worry though, it doesn’t look broken.” It had already started to bleed and I ran to get him paper towels and ice.
I apologized a thousand times and together we walked to the health room. After explaining what happened, (that was awkward) I was walked directly to the vice principal’s office and Danrick was taken to the hospital.
Danrick ended up getting his nose rebroken (this time by a doctor rather than Sub-Zero) and it now points in the correct direction. Two weeks later, he was completely fine. Both of us learned about the potential negatives of impromptu Mortal Kombat fighting and now tell the tale as a warning to others.
Like most of my experiences of checking off bucket list items, I learned something valuable.
When you find yourself in a scenario of imprompu battle, be sure not to put your face in the path of an unstoppable fist. Your nose will thank you for it.